Tuesday, March 22, 2011

5 Third Movies That Killed The Series

 Ahh, the third movie in a series. The penultimate section of a trilogy, the saving grace of a disappointing first sequel. Or the deathblow to a once promising franchise. 

5) Superman III

The Man of Steel, The Last Son of Krypton vs Richard Pryor and the Man from U.N.C.L.E.??? And what the fuck is with that half computer-android-chick-thing? Despite the massive fail of this movie, it is very historically relevant - it gives us solid evidence that crack had infiltrated Hollywood as early as 1983.

4) X3

What can I say about this piece of crap that hasn't already been said? Wolverine's still a bitch, Juggernaut sucks so much dick he makes a porn star look like a prude and Professor X suddenly becomes a complete asshole. All the ingredients you need to kill a series that was hanging on by a thread to begin with.

3) Blade: Trinity

Let's see, we have a killer series based on a badass supernatural vampire hunter. Let's make a third movie and feature said character as a background character with minimal dialogue. We'll fill the void with a shit talking punk, a wrestler and an overrated indie movie queen with the stupidest fucking hairdo ever unleashed on the screen.

2) Matrix Revolutions

Technically Matrix Reloaded killed the series, so I guess this one committed necrophilia since it fucked the franchise silly. Can someone explain to me why the guy who is the big superpimp that can alter reality still has to rely on guns and kung fu??

1) Halloween 3

WHAT..THE...FUCK?!?!? Unhinged, possibly supernatural killer succeeded by a company making killer Halloween masks. Over the years I've done my fair share of drugs and part of someone else's and not once did this bullshit sound like a good idea.


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