Celebrity amateur nudes is a collection of random movie, comic and music toplists. It has little to do with celebrities and even less to do with nude amateurs.
Most of us comic book nerds have dreamed of having super powers at one time or another - invisibility, super strength, flying, etc. But there are some powers nobody wants to draw the short stick on.
5) Super Speed - Admittedly at first glance this seems like a badass power. In reality you would just be the first person to show up to a fight, say "Oh shit" and then run to get somebody with cooler powers.
4) Sonic Scream - You know that obnoxiously loud drunk that's at every bar, club, party or concert that you've ever been to? Imagine that same drunk imbued with a superhuman voice. On top of that, can you really see a super villain be scared of "WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!" at 500 dB?
3) Super Hearing - If the neighborhood kids keep you awake at night now, try magnifying that a few hundred times. Plus, if you existed in the same universe as the drunk with the sonic scream your brain would melt inside your skull.
2) Super Breath - While Ursa blowing away the helicopter in Superman II is strangely erotic, this is a stupid power. If Superman sneezes he's going to fuck up a whole bunch of people's day.
1) Aquatic Communications - I don't care how they try to revamp Aquaman, he still carries on conversations with seahorses and shrimp.
A lot has changed in comic books over the last 50+ years. They have gone from being regarded as silly kids things to a (somewhat) respected form of literature. The efforts of many writers have raised the bar of what we expect from a comic. These are my picks for the best of the best.
5) Chris Claremont - Chris took the failing Uncanny X-Men reboot and turned it into a best selling juggernaut. He's responsible for The Dark Phoenix Saga and the Days of Future Past story arcs, two of the best known passages in X-Men lore. Because of him just about everyone on the planet knows of the mutants and their struggles.
4) Frank Miller - While Frank's comic and movie career have been a bit uneven to say the least, when he's on he is on. His Dark Knight Returns helped usher in a new darker adult vision of comics (it was even published before Watchmen). His work on Daredevil is the stuff of legends and Sin City (comic and movie) is fantastic.
3) Warren Ellis - Running the gamut from superhero books to drug crazed, gun toting psychotic journalists, Warren Ellis body of work is immense and amazing. Dystopian futures, clandestine government agencies, transhumanist themes and a wicked sense of humor are rampantly employed in his work.
2) Garth Ennis - Quite possibly the sickest, darkest humor in mainstream comics belongs to Garth Ennis. Reading his work you find yourself repulsed and laughing like a maniac at the same time. His creator owned Preacher is one of the most revered series in the comic world. He took the Punisher from kind of a badass to a kill-everybody-in-the-room-with-a-fork-because-I-ran-out-of-bullets baddass with Punisher MAX.
1) Stan Lee and Jack Kirby - How could these two titans not be number 1? Lee and Kirby are gods among men. They shaped the Silver Age of comics and brought superheros to the forefront. It speaks volumes that many of their creations are still some of the most respected figures in all of pop culture.
With the completely underwhelming response to the new Green Lantern trailer it got me thinking about all of the horribly disappointing comic book adaptations we've been subjected to over the years. Here's a few shining examples.
5) Nick Fury: Agent of Shield
The Hoff as Nick Fury? What the fuck?!? Who decided this was a good plan? KITT would have been a more convincing Fury.
4) Captain America
Wow does this movie suck. Captain America has an extensive, distinguished history. None of that appears anywhere in this movie. The Red Skull as a bad plastic surgery patient just makes you want to kick the television.
3) Judge Dredd
One more potentially great film sucked into the Hollywood greed machine. Who needs to follow the source material when we can just blow shit up. The best part of the whole movie was Rob Schneider mocking Stallone's "I am the law".
2) Superman IV
It's not bad enough that the only villain featured in the Superman series is Lex Luthor (Ross Webster in Superman III was a Luthor clone) but we have to put up with Jon Cryer as his sidekick Lenny. And what do the fearsome duo of Lex and Lenny do? They shoot a strand of Superman's hair into the sun and create Ulti-Mullet.
1) Ghost Rider
You ever see a movie that's so bad that you want to set your whole living room on fire because it has now been tainted? That's Ghost Rider. If I ever get within reaching distance of Nicholas Cage I'm going to swing him around by his toupee for making this. Do we really need Johnny Blaze to be a Carpenter's fan? We can't have a badass motorcycle hero that listens to something a little more rocking? And every time Ghost Rider appears he says the dumbest shit. All he had to do was stand there and look cool with the flaming head. That would have made the film a little better. Not much, but every little bit counts.
Music has always taken inspiration from diverse fields such as movies, literature and even life itself. Here's a list pf the best songs that draw from the noblest of art forms - comic books.
10) Warzone - Rob Zombie
While Rob mostly fancies himself a filmmaker these days he still occasionally puts out kick ass music. This song from the Punisher reboot is a shining example.
9) Flash's Theme - Queen
The 1980 Flash Gordon film based on the 1930's comic strip is pretty laughable these days. The acting and effects are horrendous. Still the film has a certain charm and part of it is Queen's soundtrack.
8) Wolverine Blues - Entombed
While Entombed never wanted the song or the album to be associated with the Canucklehead, their record company included a special edition comic with their CD and the titular video features badass Wolverine artwork warranting a spot on the list.
7) Surfing with the Alien - Joe Satriani
Since Joe specializes in instrumental music he can claim a song is about any damn thing he chooses and nobody can argue him. He chose to honor Silver Surfer with not only a song, but also the title of his best selling album to date. Maybe Joe can channel the power cosmic.
6) Holy Wars...The Punishment Due - Megadeth
The opening track to Medadeth's classic Rust in Peace album. While only the Punishment Due section of the song is about The Punisher, it's enough to land this track at number 6.
5) Ghost Rider - Suicide/Rollins Band
Ghost rider tells the story of the Marvel character. Written by influential electro punk band Suicide, the song achieved greater success when Rollins Band covered it for the Crow Soundtrack.
4) Spider-Man - TV theme/The Ramones
The theme for the 1967 Spider-Man cartoon has become synonymous with the webhead. It has been featured in two of the Raimi Spider-Man films and covered memorably by the Ramones.
3) I Am The Law - Anthrax
The Anthrax ode to legendary British comic character Judge Dredd. Had this song been featured in the 1995 film it may not have sucked quite so bad. This song kicks so much ass they had to record it on three different albums.
2) Batman Theme - Danny Elfman
When Tim Burton's Batman hit the screen in 1989 in unleashed a mass of Batmania. I had the great fortune to see the film in the theater. From the first notes of the theme you knew that the movie you were about to see was going to change your life and it did.
1) Superman Theme - John Williams
How could this song not be number 1? It has inspired generations of kids to tie a blanket around their shoulders and try to fly around the living room. This song is so epic that it's use was part of the contingency for Bryan Singer to direct Superman Returns.
