5 Third Movies That Killed The Series

 Ahh, the third movie in a series. The penultimate section of a trilogy, the saving grace of a disappointing first sequel. Or the deathblow to a once promising franchise. 

5) Superman III

The Man of Steel, The Last Son of Krypton vs Richard Pryor and the Man from U.N.C.L.E.??? And what the fuck is with that half computer-android-chick-thing? Despite the massive fail of this movie, it is very historically relevant - it gives us solid evidence that crack had infiltrated Hollywood as early as 1983.

4) X3

What can I say about this piece of crap that hasn't already been said? Wolverine's still a bitch, Juggernaut sucks so much dick he makes a porn star look like a prude and Professor X suddenly becomes a complete asshole. All the ingredients you need to kill a series that was hanging on by a thread to begin with.

3) Blade: Trinity

Let's see, we have a killer series based on a badass supernatural vampire hunter. Let's make a third movie and feature said character as a background character with minimal dialogue. We'll fill the void with a shit talking punk, a wrestler and an overrated indie movie queen with the stupidest fucking hairdo ever unleashed on the screen.

2) Matrix Revolutions


Technically Matrix Reloaded killed the series, so I guess this one committed necrophilia since it fucked the franchise silly. Can someone explain to me why the guy who is the big superpimp that can alter reality still has to rely on guns and kung fu??

1) Halloween 3

WHAT..THE...FUCK?!?!? Unhinged, possibly supernatural killer succeeded by a company making killer Halloween masks. Over the years I've done my fair share of drugs and part of someone else's and not once did this bullshit sound like a good idea.

Top 5 Worst Super Powers

Most of us comic book nerds have dreamed of having super powers at one time or another - invisibility, super strength, flying, etc. But there are some powers nobody wants to draw the short stick on.

5) Super Speed - Admittedly at first glance this seems like a badass power. In reality you would just be the first person to show up to a fight, say "Oh shit" and then run to get somebody with cooler powers.

4) Sonic Scream - You know that obnoxiously loud drunk that's at every bar, club, party or concert that you've ever been to? Imagine that same drunk imbued with a superhuman voice. On top of that, can you really see a super villain be scared of "WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!" at 500 dB?

3) Super Hearing - If the neighborhood kids keep you awake at night now, try magnifying that a few hundred times. Plus, if you existed in the same universe as the drunk with the sonic scream your brain would melt inside your skull.

2) Super Breath - While Ursa blowing away the helicopter in Superman II is strangely erotic, this is a stupid power. If Superman sneezes he's going to fuck up a whole bunch of people's day.

1) Aquatic Communications - I don't care how they try to  revamp Aquaman, he still carries on conversations with seahorses and shrimp.

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5 Worst Comic Book Movies

With the completely underwhelming response to the new Green Lantern trailer it got me thinking about all of the horribly disappointing comic book adaptations we've been subjected to over the years. Here's a few shining examples.

5) Nick Fury: Agent of Shield

The Hoff as Nick Fury? What the fuck?!? Who decided this was a good plan? KITT would have been a more convincing Fury.

4) Captain America

Wow does this movie suck. Captain America has an extensive, distinguished history. None of that appears anywhere in this movie. The Red Skull as a bad plastic surgery patient just makes you want to kick the television.

3) Judge Dredd

One more potentially great film sucked into the Hollywood greed machine. Who needs to follow the source material when we can just blow shit up. The best part of the whole movie was Rob Schneider mocking Stallone's "I am the law".

2) Superman IV

It's not bad enough that the only villain featured in the Superman series is Lex Luthor (Ross Webster in Superman III was a Luthor clone) but we have to put up with Jon Cryer as his sidekick Lenny. And what do the fearsome duo of Lex and Lenny do? They shoot a strand of Superman's hair into the sun and create Ulti-Mullet.

1) Ghost Rider

You ever see a movie that's so bad that you want to set your whole living room on fire because it has now been tainted? That's Ghost Rider. If I ever get within reaching distance of Nicholas Cage I'm going to swing him around by his toupee for making this. Do we really need Johnny Blaze to be a Carpenter's fan? We can't have a badass motorcycle hero that listens to something a little more rocking? And every time Ghost Rider appears he says the dumbest shit. All he had to do was stand there and look cool with the flaming head. That would have made the film a little better. Not much, but every little bit counts.

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10 Greatest Comic Book Songs

Music has always taken inspiration from diverse fields such as movies, literature and even life itself. Here's a list pf the best songs that draw from the noblest of art forms - comic books.



10) Warzone - Rob Zombie

While Rob mostly fancies himself a filmmaker these days he still occasionally puts out kick ass music. This song from the Punisher reboot is a shining example.



9) Flash's Theme - Queen

The 1980 Flash Gordon film based on the 1930's comic strip is pretty laughable these days. The acting and effects are horrendous. Still the film has a certain charm and part of it is Queen's soundtrack.



8) Wolverine Blues - Entombed

While Entombed never wanted the song or the album to be associated with the Canucklehead, their record company included a special edition comic with their CD and the titular video features badass Wolverine artwork warranting a spot on the list.




7) Surfing with the Alien - Joe Satriani

Since Joe specializes in instrumental music he can claim a song is about any damn thing he chooses and nobody can argue him. He chose to honor Silver Surfer with not only a song, but also the title of his best selling album to date. Maybe Joe can channel the power cosmic.



6) Holy Wars...The Punishment Due - Megadeth

The opening track to Medadeth's classic Rust in Peace album. While only the Punishment Due section of the song is about The Punisher, it's enough to land this track at number 6.



5) Ghost Rider - Suicide/Rollins Band

Ghost rider tells the story of the Marvel character. Written by influential electro punk band Suicide, the song achieved greater success when Rollins Band covered it for the Crow Soundtrack.




4) Spider-Man - TV theme/The Ramones

The theme for the 1967 Spider-Man cartoon has become synonymous with the webhead. It has been featured in two of the Raimi Spider-Man films and covered memorably by the Ramones.



3) I Am The Law - Anthrax

The Anthrax ode to legendary British comic character Judge Dredd. Had this song been featured in the 1995 film it may not have sucked quite so bad. This song kicks so much ass they had to record it on three different albums.



2) Batman Theme - Danny Elfman

When Tim Burton's Batman hit the screen in 1989 in unleashed a mass of Batmania. I had the great fortune to see the film in the theater. From the first notes of the theme you knew that the movie you were about to see was going to change your life and it did.



1) Superman Theme - John Williams

How could this song not be number 1? It has inspired generations of kids to tie a blanket around their shoulders and try to fly around the living room. This song is so epic that it's use was part of the contingency for Bryan Singer to direct Superman Returns.

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5 Comic Book Fights I Want To See

My own personal "What if.." battle royale.  

5) Batman vs Iron Man - The ultimate rich kid brawl. The world's greatest detective matching dollars and gadgets with the industrialist playboy. I think Tony Stark would have the upper hand at first due to superior fire power but in the end I see Bruce as the victor. Given time, he would find the proverbial chink in the armor.

4) The Punisher vs Rorschach - Head to head psychotic vigilantes. Walter and Frank share an adherence to violence as a necessary evil, making for a gory bout. After a long, grotesque battle in which blood and possibly limbs would be lost, I see Frank walking out alive.

3) Spider Jerusalem vs Dwight McCarthy - The anarchist writer against the nihilist photographer. A gritty urbanite fight to the death. Dwight's dark brooding chivalry matched with Spider's unhinged hatred for all humanity. Bullets, blood and a disrupted bowel later, I see Spider standing winner with his filthy assistants.

2) Joker vs Delirium - Crazy is as crazy does. Packing that much insanity into a comic book probably has rules and regulations against it, but damn it I want to see it. While Delirium is not known for fighting prowess, her vast powers as one of the Endless would enable her to turn Mr. J into a potted flower or something along those lines.

 1) Superman vs The Saint of Killers  - The title fight of the century! The Man of Steel in a duel with the Angel of Death. Supes would put up a good fight - shooting eye beams, using super breath, hurling large objects, etc. But in the end the Saint would just get pissed and gun down the red and blue boyscout.
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